Flying High

Just want to start off by saying Happy Lunar New Year everybody! It’s the year of the rabbit, AKA, Mommy’s year! She was born twenty-four years ago in April. I wish it was the year of the dog, but we can’t win every fight. We’re all very excited to start a new year in a new country.

And what a country it is! I’m now writing to you from a hot and sweaty Bangkok, Thailand. I was slightly wrong on my ETA of three hours, by the way. The 7,910 mile journey took a grand total of thirty one hours. THIRTY ONE FREAKING HOURS! After a teary-eyed goodbye with Mommy and her family, we left El Dorado Hills at 6:00am. We stopped in Vacaville to grab some coffee and a quick breakfast. My daddy let me out of the car to go to the bathroom, and then kindly slipped me a piece of salami for a treat before putting me back in my crate. Little did I know, this would be the last time I could go to the bathroom before reaching our first stop in Tokyo (fourteen hours later). I was also completely unaware of the low grade tranquilizer that was wrapped up in the salami. Man, that salami hit HARD!

SFO to NRT to BKK...Here we come!!!

By the time we arrived at SFO I was feeling pretty good. I gave G-MA one last lick goodbye, and was then whisked away on a luggage cart loaded high with bulging suitcases. When we checked in at the United counter, I was fading in and out of consciousness. Dreaming of hot, grilled meats and warm piles of laundry, I struggled to fight the effects of the drugs. When we approached the x-ray machine my daddy removed me from my crate. With half-glazed eyes, I watched as my two best squeaky toy friends, Boombie and Pinkie, rode down the conveyor belt in my crate and passed through the machine. Those two are always up to no good, so I wouldn’t have been surprised if TSA needed to search the crate for razor blades, bags of drugs, firearms, bombs, and containers filled with excessive amounts of liquids far exceeding the one ounce limit. Luckily, this time they made it through clean! When daddy placed me back in my crate, I nuzzled in with my two buddies and passed out.

Next thing I knew, I’m lodged under the seat in front of mommy and a deafening noise begins to surround me from all sides. For once, the large rumbling sound wasn’t my stomach! After a while it actually became very soothing. Just to be a prick, I scratched at my crate for a couple of minutes to see if mommy or daddy would let me out. After numerous failed attempts, I finally gave in to the sweet lull of heavy narcotics and closed my eyes.

By the time we touched down in Tokyo I was on my second round of sedatives. Somehow, daddy pulled a quick one on the plane and hid the drugs in a piece of Beef Stroganoff leftover from lunch. I don’t know why humans complain so much...airplane food isn’t that bad. Those damn meats—high in sodium and preservatives, covered in a thick sauce to camouflage the taste of just about everything—do it to me every time! Regardless of the drugs, I was still well aware that I needed to pee. I considered the possibility of just letting it go on the plane, but for some reason the idea of being confined to my crate while lying in my own piss-soaked bed for who knows how long, didn’t sound appealing. To my relief, just when I was about to burst, my daddy let me out of my crate. While still severely drowsy from the drugs, I couldn’t comprehend what he was doing. He locked us in a large handicapped bathroom together and told me, “Just go man. Just go.” I didn’t understand—we were indoors, and that’s a big no-no. I looked up at him a couple times, and finally realized I had gotten the seal of approval. I released the dragon, and peed on the floor for well over a minute. We’re talking an all-four-paws-wet puddle of piss. I can’t even begin to describe how good this felt! After daddy cleaned up, we left the bathroom and I got loaded back into my crate.

Unbeknownst to me, the next round of drugs was ingested via a small piece of sashimi grade tuna from the United Airlines Red Carpet Lounge. The last thing I remember was looking up and seeing mommy voraciously slurping a bowl of Udon noodles. The second seven hour flight to Bangkok was pretty much a blur.

To make a long journey short, we all made it here to Thailand safe and sound! Me and my parents have settled into our temporary home off of Sukhumvit Road. I’m enjoying the new sights and sounds to be sure, but I’ll be very honest, it’s a lot different than back home in California! I’m looking forward to pointing out these differences as the days go by.

With all the drug use coming over, you might imagine the jet lag would be fairly severe. Well, you’re absolutely right. I’m fighting it pretty hard right now. I sleep randomly throughout the day, I doze off when you least expect it, and lounge around for hours on end. Then again….that sounds like me back home doesn’t it!?